Every parent knows the feeling of pride, joy and love that is experienced when your child first says "mom' or "dad". It's more intense than anything else, a feeling so strong that it can bring tears to a grown man's eyes and warmth on the coldest day.
For the last few years, I have been the primary parent in my son's life. I was the first person he called when he was hurt or sad. He raced to show me the cool things he discovered. I was the one who he depended on for help and comfort.
When HW came home, I was still number 1 in my son's life. He loved his dad, but he turned to me first and foremost. Over the last few days, I realized that it's slowly been changing. I'm not so cool or important. My little boy wants to emulate his dad, to share everything with his "best buddy". HW is the biggest, strongest, coolest guy in the world to our son and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just the mom.
I am gradually being shoved out of the "favorite parent" spot. (Not that I'm competing, I just can't think of a better way to describe it) When boy wakes up, he says, "Dad?....or mom?" He will look at me to ask for something and start out by saying "Dad said..." All day long, he reminds me that "Dad is at work, but he comes home to see me." "Dad has a GTO. It goes reawwy FAST!" "Dad's truck is big and fast....you should go fast."
I dont' begrude HW the love and attention. Every boy needs a dad and he lived without one for far too long. But that small glow of joy when my son runs up and hugs me is muted just a tiny bit when the first thing he asks is...."Where's Dad?""