A sad reminder of separation
One of the hardest things about being a parent is seeing your child hurting and not being able to do anything about it. Whether it is a fall that scraped their knees or a heartache that crushed their spirit, a parent can only do so much. After that, the feeling of helplessness is difficult to face.
I just had a taste of what is to come as my children grow up.
Every morning, my son points out his Dad's truck. Until recently, it has been said with a mixture of pride and envy. "That's DAD's truck! Connor have a BIG truck too?" the last two days have been progressively worse.
"That's Dad's truck."
"Where is Daddy?" "He is in Iraq, sweetie. He will be home later".
"NO. Go to Orport (Airport). Get Daddy" " We can't do that today. We will do that LATER."
Huge wracking sobs and tears ensue. Nothing I say makes it better.
In fact, I wonder if he thinks I not letting him see his Daddy. I have used the same line when he wants to watch TV. "not now...you can______later."
Through all the previous deployments, he has not really understood the coming and going of his father. He was a little upset when a strange guy came and started sleeping in Mom's bed, but he got used to dad being home fairly quickly. The next time, it ony took minutes him to realize that this guy was dad. The next time was only moments. Unfortunately, he is getting faster at missing Dad too. The first few deployments he didn't seem to notice or understand why Mommy was sad. Then he understood, but he wasn't upset. Now, when I am finally calm and happy in anticipation to the reunion....he understands.
And there is nothing I can to do help him. We look at photos and talk online. He sees Dad in video confrences. We talk about the big party when Dad is back. But he is stil heartbroken and all I can do is hug him. That isn't enough to make it better though.
I've noticed that the more upset he gets about Dad being gone, the more he clings to me. He used to run to preschool without looking back, never said goodbye, never cried. Now he is afraid to have me leave. When we go somewhere, he has to hold my hand or he will collapse on the ground in tears.
It breaks my heart that my brave little boy is learning that the world is a hard place and that like his dad, we sometimes have to walk the hard road without the ones we love.