I think I should skip Christmas

Maybe it's not such a bad idea

Published on November 29, 2004 By lifehappens In Home & Family

I'm thinking of skipping Christmas.

Not completely, I do have a tree up with lights on, no decorations though. I have a nativity set up too. But that's it. I think I am done.

I dont' want to decorate the tree. I don't want to wrap presents. I dont' want to mail out the dozens of cards that I hand-made and even pre-addressed and stamped. I don't want to hang stockings or give gifts. I don't want to hear Christmas music or make cookies for my neighbors. I just dont' want to do it this year.

But here is my predicament. I have a 2 1/2 year old son. That's right. He is old enough to get excited about unwrapping presents and Santa and everything else. But he isn't old enough to remember if I don't bother with it this year. So would it be so bad to just skip it all?

He already got his big gift before Matt left. (an electric train which he LOVES) So do I really need to go through all the hassle when he won't remember it and his Dad won't be here?

For those who dont' know, I am a compulsive scrapbooker. But when my husband came home, he didnt' want to look at the pages I made...why? Because it just reminded him of all the stuff he had been missing. It broke my heart to see the look on his face as his closed the book and put it down. All he said was, 'I'll look at it later." I felt like such a heel. Here I was, all excited about the stuff I made and all it did was cause him pain. I never did scrapbook Connor's first Christmas because I was so miserable without Matt here. It took months before I even started to feel like doing anything. So why force the issue this year?

The worst part of this whole thing? Christmas is my favorite season. I usually have the house decorated the day after Thanksgiving and dont' take anything down until the first weekend after New Years. I have 6 huge boxes full of decorations and ornaments. I own literally dozens of Christmas CDs. I love everything about the holidays...both religious and secular. I can't just do this small. But I just dont' see the point this year. I don't feel like celebrating. I have no family nearby to visit.

Matt helped set up the tree before he left so I wouldn't have to bring the box down from the attic alone (it's a big heavy box) and then he put the rest of the boxes in the garage for me. I can't just say it's too much work...the hard part is already done.

So I want your thoughts on this. Is it better to guilt myself into putting on Christmas for my son or better to feel guilty for blowing the whole thing off?"

Comments (Page 1)

Danny Bassette

on Nov 29, 2004

I say do something for your son, maybe not as much as you would if Matt as there. As for what, well do what makes you happy. Who knows, you might find once you get started you'll be in such good cheer you'll go through and do everything

Texas Wahine

on Nov 29, 2004

I have struggled with the Christmas thing, too.

My personal opinion is this: I think you should do Christmas. I think it will hurt more to have it going on around and you not take part. It will give you something to focus on and force yourself to be excited about. You are really down right now, and everything sucks, but maybe a bit later you will feel more positive about it.

Having said that, you're right, your son won't likely remember his 2 & 1/2 y.o. Christmas. If it is too painful for you deal with right now, then let it go and don't feel guilty about it. Do what feels right to you because while he won't remember this X-Mas specifically, the way you feel affects the way he feels, and if Christmas is killing you, that stress and sadness is going to hurt him, too.

The kids will be fine. Do what feels best to you, and don't for a moment feel guilty about it. Best wishes. (and I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds by giving that advice)

lifehappens

on Nov 29, 2004

Who knows, you might find once you get started you'll be in such good cheer you'll go through and do everything

It will give you something to focus on and force yourself to be excited about

You both bring up really good points. While I don't want to have anything to do with shiny, happy people or holidays right now, I may change my mind in a week or so.

Texas, Have you ever actually done it? Skipped Christmas, that is? If so, did you regret it or feel depressed to alienate yourself?

the way you feel affects the way he feels

That's the hard part...not letting my emotions ruin his day. I'm trying very hard not to snap at him and get irritated at him being a little boy...

iamheather

on Nov 29, 2004

Lifehappens,

I am with Tex and Danny, just try. You might find little things here and there that will bring back comforting feelings. If you believe in the religious part of Christmas, use it as a time to glorify Him and in return He will comfort, support, and carry you through these difficult times. Try to make this Christmas a little different in some way, so that it become special in its own right.

I may just be full of crap, too. I have never been away from my husband on Christmas, but I have suffered from severe depression during Christmas which can feel like you are all alone. Just my two cents.

*hugs*

Texas Wahine

on Nov 29, 2004

Texas, Have you ever actually done it? Skipped Christmas, that is? If so, did you regret it or feel depressed to alienate yourself?

Nope. We are babies in the Army, and going through much of this for the first time. I seriously entertained the idea of skipping Christmas this year, or at least waiting to have until he comes home. I was very depressed about it all, but I am feeling better about it now (I kind of go up and down with my emotions).

I was decorating last night and tonight . . . tonight I hung our stockings, and I hung his up, too. I don't know why, but I had to.

I'm really no help, am I? Maybe dharma will have some better advice about Christmas. I don't really know what I'm talking about here.

Texas Wahine

on Nov 29, 2004

That's the hard part...not letting my emotions ruin his day. I'm trying very hard not to snap at him and get irritated at him being a little boy...

The fact that you even realize that and try not to snap at him means that you are a loving mommy who puts her children first, and that seems to be pretty rare in today's society. I am amazed at your strength through all you've been through, and your son is learning a beautiful lesson about the unending love and the incredible strength of a woman. I would imagine that he will grow up having a deep respect for women.

lifehappens

on Nov 29, 2004

Heather, I will be celebrating the religious aspect of Christmas. It's a wonderful time to teach my son about Christ. I was planning on continuing a few religious traditions....reading the Christmas story over the space of a week or two etc. etc. Thanks for pointing that out....Because we read a scripture every night it won't be a change specifically for the Holiday....

Texas, When does he come home? I think I remember you talking about this before and I suggested having Christmas with him late. I didn't realize that you were an Army newbie. Please dont' let my bad day scare you about the Army. For the most part it has done a good job of taking care of our family.

I was very depressed about it all, but I am feeling better about it now (I kind of go up and down with my emotions).

I understand how you feel.....and this will be the same way. At least we have a virtual shoulder to lean on.....

lifehappens

on Nov 29, 2004

i think this bothers me more because it's Christmas. My favorite time of the year.

We have rarely celebrated birthdays, Valentines Day, our wedding aniversary or any of the other special days together. I've always said, 'it's just a day, no big deal. We can celebrate____anytime." Christmas is more than just a day.....it's supposed to be a month or more of warm happy feelings....

Texas Wahine

on Nov 29, 2004

Texas, When does he come home?

Probably April, but if we're lucky, March.

Please dont' let my bad day scare you about the Army. For the most part it has done a good job of taking care of our family.

No, it's fine. I understand that everything in life is give and take. There's a lot of good to offset the bad. Still hurts, though.

I understand how you feel.....and this will be the same way. At least we have a virtual shoulder to lean on.....

island_gurl12

on Nov 30, 2004

Awww... I am with Danny Texas and heather too. It's for your son and even if he doesnt remember it will brighten up the sad atmosphere you are living in right now. Maybe seeing him happy will make you happy too.

Cheer up girl, we are all with you, xoxox

KarmaGirl

on Nov 30, 2004

Would your husband want you to miss out on Christmas? I am sure that he wouldn't. I am sure that he only wants happiness for you and your family. And, even though it hurts him greatly not to be with you, I am sure that thoughts of you and your family being safe and happy at home keeps him going.

Don't skip the celebration of the season. No matter what religion (or not) that you are, it's a great time to get together with people, to give a little more, and to enjoy time with your little ones.

This season is tough. A lot of people get down during the holidays. We tend to reflect on the past year, and human nature makes us reflect more on the negative than the positive. If you start feeling too down, please see a doctor. Have little ones (especially babies) can be rough in ideal conditions, as I'm sure other Moms will agree. There is nothing wrong in asking for help, or an ear to listen to your problems, even if they seem small. Your kids feed off your emotions, so it's important to try and find a way to cheer yourself up. We're always here to lend an ear if needed.

lifehappens

on Nov 30, 2004

Probably April, but if we're lucky, March

Woo Hoo. We can count down together.

To everyone else...thanks again for the support. With 5 votes for, I suppose I should stick with the majority. After all, you probably are not hormonal and lacking sleep, so your judgement may be a little more sane than mine.

I'm actually feeling a little better this morning. Thanks for letting me get it out.

And if anyone else wants to throw the voice of reason this way, I will still be listening...

chiprj

on Nov 30, 2004

With 5 votes for, I suppose I should stick with the majority. After all, you probably are not hormonal and lacking sleep, so your judgement may be a little more sane than mine.

Make it 6. I hope that you will decide to celebrate this season, even as difficult as it may be for you. I think that the joy it brings to your son will help you feel better, even if he doesn't remember it. Also, I like the idea of the scrapbook. I know that you said it depressed your husband a little but I think (and this is just my opinion and hope) that there will come a day when your husband does appreciate the effort to preserve these memories for him (and your son, too). It is tough for you both now, but it will get better. He's going to love looking through the book when he's ready.

lifehappens

on Nov 30, 2004

Thanks chiprj.

island_gurl12

on Nov 30, 2004

I'm glad you feeling better

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