Lying to cover my fears...

Realizing I was lying to myself.

Published on November 12, 2004 By lifehappens In Life Journals

The last few weeks have been the interminable waiting stage of my pregnancy. It is almost a stereotypical response for a pregnant woman to be so eager to be desperate to "get this kid out!" I've been saying for several weeks that I didn't care if my husband was here or not, I just wanted to have this baby....NOW.

Today, I found out that he is definetely on his way home from Iraq and will be here this weekend. Suddenly I was hit with an epiphany. I do want him here for the birth of his daughter. I realized that I have been trying to cover for my fears that he would not make it home in time. If I had the baby early and then found out he wasn't coming home, I could shrug and say, "Well, he wouldn't have made it anyway." I had been lying to myself this entire time.

I think that I have been filled with a lot of anxiety due to the anticipation. Will he be here in time? Will I end up being late and have the baby after he leaves? Will I be able to cope with two kids alone? That first 6 weeks with Connor was hard enough to deal with and I had Matt's help and support when he could be there (He was working 18 hour days...at night) All of this was summed up in my almost panicked desired to just "hurry up and get it done".

I know that "God never gives us anything that we can't handle". I just have to remember Matt's words of wisdom. He told me that I should trust in God and trust in myself too. If God trusts me, I shouldn't have any reason to doubt myself. And that has been true up till now. I have dealt with a whole lot on my own, so why should this be any different? Plus I have the reasurance that I will see my husband again very soon and I won't have to do it all alone.....at least for 2 weeks.

Comments

LadyCleve

on Nov 12, 2004

I think that we all have a tendency to do this, but it's even more tempting when in a situation like yours (or most military spouses right now). Self-preservation, eh? It's not always a bad thing, but I'm impressed that you've seen through the screen and acknowledged it. And even happier that your husband will be home this weekend! Enjoy your time, and remember there are a lot of people who care and would be happy to help even after his two weeks R&R.

dharmagrl

on Nov 12, 2004

Honey, I understand ...I do. I went through it myself not too long ago (though not with the prego part).

Most physicians will induce a couple of days early ....we were in much the same circumstance you were when jake was born, and my doc induced me 5 days early. Parhaps you could have a chat with your obstetrician?

If all else fails, I'll come down for a couple of days to help you out!

BlueDev

on Nov 12, 2004

LH, I am so glad he is going to be home, at least for a time. Best of luck and I hope all work out well.

oleteach

on Nov 12, 2004

Do you mean to tell me that your husband after being over in Iraq, will only be allowed home for just 2 weeks? Inhuman! Have that wonderful baby and recover quickly so you can enjoy every minute. Blessing and prayers for your family.

lifehappens

on Nov 12, 2004

remember there are a lot of people who care and would be happy to help even after his two weeks R&R.

Thanks! I will probably give you a call, just to keep my sanity after he leaves!

Parhaps you could have a chat with your obstetrician?

I did....DACH policy (due to high numbers of deployment babies) is NO Inductions until 42 weeks....NO EXCEPTIONS.

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