or musings on why things end....
So I'm LDS. For those who don't know, and even care. This means that I am what is commonly refered to as a Mormon. No, that's not all there is to me. I'm much more than just my religion, but it does shape my beliefs and ideals. That being said, with absouluty no point whatsoever, I will move on to the actual topic of my blog.
The LDS church does not have a paid clergy. Individuals are "called" to serve in various positions. The commonly held belief is that because your name is prayed about BEFORE they ask you to do something, that God has called you to do this job. Therefore, among the believers, refusing a job is taramount to blasphemy.
So with this in mind, I worked with the Sunday school kids for about 5 years. I really didn't mind doing it. I liked the people I worked with and generally enjoyed that calling. Until I started being stressed out. I'm not entirely sure why I got stressed, but I do know that I was tired of being with the kids and wanted some "adult time" on Sundays. Lo and behold, after a well timed discusion with the bishop, I was released from that calling and asked to run the Enrichment night for the Relief Society.
(Here's the background if anyone cares: The women's organization is the Relief Society, presumably because of charity work etc.) I was in charge of planning an elaborate "Enrichment Night" once a month. It seemed EXTREMELY overwhelming. Not only did I not have a clue, but I was completely out of my element. I don't mind helping with something. I just hate being the one in charge. Put me in charge of one aspect and I'm fine. Just don't make the entire event fall on my head. That's just too overwhelming. So I work at it for 7 months, finally overcoming my issues with doing this. I am feeling confident and pleased that I have figured this out when, WHAM. I am told that I am being asked to do a new job. Cub Scout Commitee Chairman.
Of all the jobs I never wanted, it was the Cub Scouts. A bunch of screaming little boys out in the woods learning how to camp. Pinewood Derbys and badges. Yikes. Just not my thng. I was always grateful that I was never asked to do that and now....here I am, sitting in front of the Bishop, nodding my head, "Sure.....but, um I don't know anything about cub scouts." I'm told, (insert extra enthusiasma nd cheerfulness here) "Oh you'll do fine! You didn't know anything about Enrichment Night either."
Sigh. So here we are at the crux of the situation. WHY do I get released when I am finally getting the hang of something. Is it because I have learned my lesson? Was I just supposed to realize that after 7 months of agony, I could do something without having it fall apart? So now, does this mean I'm ready to tackle the world of 8 year old boys? I really didn't want to accept this calling, but that ingrained belief reared it's ugly head. If God is the one who wants me here, do I REALLY want to say no? So I say yes and worry about the upcoming trial.
Does this make me a hypocrite? Accepting a job I would have never chosen? or does this make me the kind of person who will become a better person by challenging myself and stretching my boundries.
Sigh. Right before my husband left for Iraq, he told me I'd get through anything, talking about the deployment and my calling and my job( I teach yoga, pilates and boot camp classes at a couple local gyms) He basically said that if I quit whining I could do anything. So I took his advice. Sigh. but it would be nice to have it easy occasionally.
So, yes, I realize that this sounds very whiny, but I needed to get this out so I can get up at the butt crack of dawn on Saturday to face the Cub Scouts.....