Damn it. I have a right to be irritable. I am in a slightly off mood. I can feel my patience run short and my emotions run high. I'm right on the edge of thinking I'm sad or depressed or just plain angry, but I have the little voice in the back of my head telling me that I should calm down and quit be so selfish, so "poor me". But DAMN IT, I DO have the right to be cranky. I can be sad or just plain miserable if I want.
So there.
Now that I got that out, I feel no better than before. I'm an army wife. I've accepted that life sucks. Life seems to suck a tad bit more in certain areas if you are military. for example: All soldiers in the U.S. Central Command area of operations will serve 15-month tours in the region beginning immediately, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates announced today, "I believe it is fairer to all soldiers that all share the burden equally.” The secretary said he realizes his decision will ask a lot of Army troops and their families.
No shit Sherlock. This will ask a lot of us.
I'm okay with it. Really I am. I will be okay. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
HW will miss a few things this tour in Iraq.
My 29th and 30th birthdays.
His daughters' 2nd and 3rd birthdays. (For those who are not clear on that....It means he misses EVERYTHING in between....all of two-dom
His son's 5th birthday, Pre-school and most of Kindergarten and a good chunk of year 5 (added to when he missed years 1, most of 2, and 3)
Our 10 year Anniversary.
2 Christmases.
2 Valentines Days
2 Halloweens, Thanksgivings and other nonsense.
It's not so much MY dates that bother me so much, but the realization that he will have left a 1 year old and return to a 3 year old. That's what hurts the most. My kids miss their daddy. I miss him. i miss seeing him be part of their lives, part of growing up.
That being said. I can do this. I know we are not going into this with our eyes shut. i knew before he left that he *might* get extended....well, I still hoped he wouldn't, but I wasn't unaware of the chance. I can do this, I just wish my best friend was here with me.
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