Today he left. And amazingly enough.....I'm okay.
Maybe it's just that I got out my frustration yesterday. I was sad and lonely because he didn't come home when we expected and it was his LAST day home. And then he didn't come home at the new time.....and again.....finally hours after I had hoped to see him, he arrived. Just in time to for my daughter to wake from her nap and our son to arrive home from school. No alone time. I was hurt, angry and upset. I sobbed and mopped around the house till he finally arrived.....and then, suddenly he was home. He was just as frustrated and irritated as I was. But then it was okay.
Somehow having him with me makes it all better.
Fast forward to today.
I am determined not to sit in the bleachers and cry so I put a deck of cards in my purse as a last ditch defense against us sitting miserable, on the brink of dispair. It sounds silly but it started me out on the right foot.
I walked into the unit as though it was just any old unit function. I cracked jokes with the nervous wives and showed soldiers how to put a 3 point sling on their M16s and 249s (they thought I was cool) I walked around taking pictures and making out with HW every chance I got. And if I started feeling the slightest bit emotional....I tried to cheer up the other girls.
What do you know? It worked. I made it through intact and I'm actually okay right now.
Well, to be honest, I did waver for a few moments durring our last hug as they called the soldiers to form up. I blinked back the tears, waved goodbye with a smile on my face (hey, I want that last look to be happy for him) and escorted a pregnant wife out. She was barely holding it together. She asked if she woudl get to hug him again and I told her "no, kiss him now and say goodbye" And then I walked her out to her car.
There I was, sitting in my car, realizing that I left my camera with a soldier. I know I'll get it back tomorrow, but part of me wanted to go back in and see if I could snag one more glimpse of HW. I wrestled with it for a few minutes and then headed back in.
The mass of soldiers was so crowded that I had no clue where he was. I spotted a few wives in the unit on the other end of the gym. But by the time I got there, they pointed out the back door....I missed him.
I couldn't leave it there. It already felt pathetic and unfinished, so I ran out the front doors and around the building to where the buses were lined up. He wasn't there. I missed him again.
The families are standing on the sides waving to the soldiers as I walked up and down the buses, trying in vain to see inside the dark tinted windows. I must have looked as pathetic as I felt. But there in a window was a soldier I recognized. He points behind him. Suddenly all the windows are full of gesturing hands, pointing. I run along the buses, looking for HW and then the fingers changed direction. I missed him, but then, there he was, smiling and waving. I was so happy that I got to see him, I practically bounced as I walked back to my car.
I risked looking like a sappy wife and I ended up trading my sad goodbye for that moment of joy. His unit had helped me find a little bit of happiness that outweighed my sorrow.
I got to see him one last time.
So am I okay now? Yeah, I've called all the wives to check on them and make sure they are hanging in there. Every single one told me how grateful she was that I cracked corny jokes and was so chipper and happy all day. I made what could have been a bad experience better than expected.
The other cool thing? Every one of them told me how cute HW and I are together.
"He's obviously in love with you."
"He adores you."
"He looks so gruff and mean till you walk up and then, I dont' know....he's all happy."
"You are so perfect for each other."
"I can tell you love each other."
What can cheer you up more than having your love for someone affirmed by the witnesses of an entire battalion? Our love is so strong that we can't hide it. *big cheesy grin*
And last but not least? When I did get home, I dreaded cleaning up and seeing anything army, because it might make me miss him already. But then I saw that the kitchen was clean. Sparkling! HW did the dishes before we left because he loves me. That little thing made me feel so good as I walked in the door, that I didn't feel the least bit sad anymore.
No promises about tomorrow, but for now....I'm okay