....so help me, I will skin you alive!

Published on June 3, 2006 By lifehappens In Home & Family

I know you have heard them. If you are a parent, you probably have used them.

The THREAT.

The ones that are completely ridiculous that spew out of your mouth when your kids drive you crazy.

"If you don't stop hitting your brother, so help me, I will sell you to the gypsies."

You will hear the phrase, "so help me", "when your father comes home", when I get you home" interjected into many sentences like extranious punctuation.

Here's my list.

"....I'll beat you with a pickle." (me)
"...I'll beat you with a poodle" (my dad)
"...I'll superglue your lips shut" (my favorite lately)
"...I'll lock you in a barrel until you are 30" (HW)

So JU, what meaningless threats do you throw at your kids? I KNOW some of you have some really creative ones....let's hear them"

Comments

lifehappens

on Jun 03, 2006

This is a note to remind myself to one day discuss the emotional impact of threats on kids. I heard a really cool lecture on it once......

ParaTed2k

on Jun 03, 2006

"I'l smack you into the middle of next week!" ~ My mom

and as a side (slightly off topic) note... here's my favorite joke threat...

"I'll hit you so hard, your kids will be born without teeth! :~D ((((Not one used on kids ;~D )))))

BlueDev

on Jun 03, 2006

I don't really have any good ones that I use, at least that I can think of. My dad, though, used the following with me and my brother often:

"I'll tear your arm off and beat you with the bloody end!"

Dr Guy

on Jun 03, 2006

"I brought you into this world, and by God I can take you out!"

MamieLady

on Jun 03, 2006

Lately I threaten to sit on them. It's funny 'cause I'm pregnant - it always makes them laugh.

and there's always : ". . . cut it out or I'll chuck you out the window." funniest when said in the basement.

Cordelia

on Jun 03, 2006

My dad always used "I'll knock you so far away it will take you 40 days to walk back".

ParaTed2k

on Jun 05, 2006

Then there was our Sergeant who was pissed because we weren't "sounding off" loud enough during Physical Training...

"C'mon people, we're not here for our health!"

We all (including the Sergeant) laughed our heads off when we realized what he just said. ;~D

AngelaMarie88

on Jun 05, 2006

My mom used to threaten my brother & me with:

"I'll bash your heads together!"

I pictured it every time and it just sounded awful. Thankfully she never did it. But now I remember why we never really acknowledged Mother's Day in our family.

Then there was our Sergeant who was pissed because we weren't "sounding off" loud enough during Physical Training..."C'mon people, we're not here for our health!"

: :

: That's hilarious!

JillUser

on Jun 05, 2006

My dad was famous for "I'll give you something to cry about!" and now my husband uses that one. Brad also says "You don't want to end up like Sam", Sam being the mythical older brother of the boys who we kept in the attic.

I usually lose it and say "Don't make me beat you!"

lifehappens

on Jun 06, 2006

These are hillarious! Thanks for all the *good ideas* ") I was reading these when I was on the phone iwth my sister and practically chocked becuase I stared laughing so hard!

Ms Mitchell

on Jun 22, 2006

The gypsies pay extra for blond kids.
How about "If you two don't stop fighting I will lock you in a room and keep the survivor."

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